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Hello everyone, newbie and first time poster here. I'm in a bit of a pickle and need some help/advice... anything as I don't know what to do about this situation I'm in.
I'm a 32 year old American male and met my now fiance' (26 from Russia) six months ago on a popular dating website. We corresponded literally daily for three months (text, pictures, videos, face-time etc.) and talked about anything and everything. I didn't think anything about it at the time, just thought it would be nice to have a pen pal but after about three months of this I started to fall in love with her which I didn't think was possible without meeting the her in real life. But I needed to know for sure so I flew her to come spend a week with me here in America. She came and we had an amazing week filled with sight seeing, brunches, fancy dinners, clubbing, amazing sex, cuddling, playing house, talks about a possible future together etc. and after the week was over I knew she was the one (or at least I thought). Now I've been described as your tall, dark and handsome type and I've been single nearly my entire adult life so I've dated quite a bit and out of the dozens of amazing women I've been blessed to meet in my life this one takes the cake!
When she left back to Russia we immediately started to plan our second meeting which would be three months later (just happened a week ago) which consisted again of another fun-filled week together. During the 3 months between then we again corresponded daily and continued to get to know each other better. Most importantly we started discussing the idea of marriage and the possibility of starting the process as soon as possible so we could be together sooner (I should note that I was the one who brought up the idea). After we introduced marriage into the equation, I started to ask her odd questions and put her in vignettes just to see how she would answer. Essentially I was "testing her" (I know that sounds bad) to see what her intentions were and for compatibility purposes. I felt she was way too agreeable with both the questions and vignettes so I started to become a little suspicious (essentially I felt that she was just telling me what she thought I wanted to hear).
When she came the second time things were great with the acceptation of one thing... I noticed that she would take her phone with her every where (even to the bathroom) and at night she would hide it in her bag or in the closet instead of having it charge next to mine on the night stand. Now despite the whirl-wind romance I was well aware of the rumors regarding, not only Russian women, but foreign brides in general using American men for money, gifts and or a green cards etc. and thus always had my antennas up. So... on our last night together I decided to let her fall asleep first and I snuck out of bed, took her phone, which she hid in her jacket pocket in the closet btw and backed-up all of her data onto my laptop. I then went into the living room and started going through all her pictures, videos and messages. DISCLAIMER: I am not proud of this behavior nor do I condone going through someones private stuff at all! But I was in this unique situation and saw no other option. More importantly my gut told me something wasn't right (it has an excellent track record). So I needed to know If I was being used and if so I wanted to know now as opposed to two years and thousands of dollars later.
Well I hit the proverbial jackpot so to speak because I was able to download a text conversation between her and her best friend of 20 years and they tell each other everything!
The first half of the text consisted of the timeline from the time we first matched to the moment right before meeting in person for the first time (first three months). Here I found out she's lied about her sexual history (she only told me about a third of her past partners), she lied to me about being single when we first met, she was actually dating someone at the time. She lied to that guy about talking to other guys (me and some other guys she met on the dating website). But the biggest kicker was the fact that she said things about me like "I don't know if I like him or not, I'm not sure if we can be in a relationship together but I will continue to tell him what he wants to hear and hopefully he'll fall in love with me and get me a green card and then I'll go to America and leave him and find my true love or I'll get back on the dating website and find another guy that will help me if it doesn't work out with him." Yes I know ouch!
The second half of the text consisted of the time we met in person until now (last three months). Here she said things like "he's so cute, he's a great guy, I'm so in love with him, I don't want to be with any other guy but him, I don't want to leave him, I want to stay with him in America, he's my soul mate etc."
So during the last day together I confessed about going through her phone and confronted her about all the stuff I read. I was actually surprised that we both were able to discuss everything pretty amicably and at the end of a 4 hour discussion it was time for her to go to the airport and head back to Russia. She wants to continue this relationship while I am still deciding on what I want to do (hence why I'm here). She fully understands that I am hurt and confused about some of the things I found out about her and has since has been doing everything in her power to make me feel at ease. She's confessed to everything and apologized for not being honest in the beginning, she's showed me all of her social media accounts, she's texted all of the other guys she was talking to to let them know that she's in a relationship, she's even updated her status on her ******** for everyone to see. Most importantly however she's offered to cancel the K1 process and says she doesn't want the papers to further complicate this relationship and that she just wants to be with me.
So here lies the dilemma, I seriously don't know what to do. I know she truly loves me not because of what I read but I see it in her eyes and feel it when we're together but I'm hurt by the fact that she lied so much (trust is now an issue) and said some not so nice things about me in the beginning of the relationship. But more importantly I think about had she NOT fall in love with me I wouldn't have known otherwise because she still would've " **** d it" (keep telling me all the things I wanted to hear) for the sake of papers and would've came to America with the sole intention of looking for another guy. It just so happens that she actually did fall in love with me but I'm haunted by the "what if." So I am now in a position of questioning her character i.e. who she is as a person and is this person my fiance', future wife and future mother of my children?!
I've tried my best to communicate my feelings to her but she just doesn't understand. Heck, I don't understand it myself. I didn't know where else to go but here because I've read so many threads of people in similar if not worse and or more complicated situations with their foreign fiance's.
PLEASE HELP!
I'm a 32 year old American male and met my now fiance' (26 from Russia) six months ago on a popular dating website. We corresponded literally daily for three months (text, pictures, videos, face-time etc.) and talked about anything and everything. I didn't think anything about it at the time, just thought it would be nice to have a pen pal but after about three months of this I started to fall in love with her which I didn't think was possible without meeting the her in real life. But I needed to know for sure so I flew her to come spend a week with me here in America. She came and we had an amazing week filled with sight seeing, brunches, fancy dinners, clubbing, amazing sex, cuddling, playing house, talks about a possible future together etc. and after the week was over I knew she was the one (or at least I thought). Now I've been described as your tall, dark and handsome type and I've been single nearly my entire adult life so I've dated quite a bit and out of the dozens of amazing women I've been blessed to meet in my life this one takes the cake!
When she left back to Russia we immediately started to plan our second meeting which would be three months later (just happened a week ago) which consisted again of another fun-filled week together. During the 3 months between then we again corresponded daily and continued to get to know each other better. Most importantly we started discussing the idea of marriage and the possibility of starting the process as soon as possible so we could be together sooner (I should note that I was the one who brought up the idea). After we introduced marriage into the equation, I started to ask her odd questions and put her in vignettes just to see how she would answer. Essentially I was "testing her" (I know that sounds bad) to see what her intentions were and for compatibility purposes. I felt she was way too agreeable with both the questions and vignettes so I started to become a little suspicious (essentially I felt that she was just telling me what she thought I wanted to hear).
When she came the second time things were great with the acceptation of one thing... I noticed that she would take her phone with her every where (even to the bathroom) and at night she would hide it in her bag or in the closet instead of having it charge next to mine on the night stand. Now despite the whirl-wind romance I was well aware of the rumors regarding, not only Russian women, but foreign brides in general using American men for money, gifts and or a green cards etc. and thus always had my antennas up. So... on our last night together I decided to let her fall asleep first and I snuck out of bed, took her phone, which she hid in her jacket pocket in the closet btw and backed-up all of her data onto my laptop. I then went into the living room and started going through all her pictures, videos and messages. DISCLAIMER: I am not proud of this behavior nor do I condone going through someones private stuff at all! But I was in this unique situation and saw no other option. More importantly my gut told me something wasn't right (it has an excellent track record). So I needed to know If I was being used and if so I wanted to know now as opposed to two years and thousands of dollars later.
Well I hit the proverbial jackpot so to speak because I was able to download a text conversation between her and her best friend of 20 years and they tell each other everything!
The first half of the text consisted of the timeline from the time we first matched to the moment right before meeting in person for the first time (first three months). Here I found out she's lied about her sexual history (she only told me about a third of her past partners), she lied to me about being single when we first met, she was actually dating someone at the time. She lied to that guy about talking to other guys (me and some other guys she met on the dating website). But the biggest kicker was the fact that she said things about me like "I don't know if I like him or not, I'm not sure if we can be in a relationship together but I will continue to tell him what he wants to hear and hopefully he'll fall in love with me and get me a green card and then I'll go to America and leave him and find my true love or I'll get back on the dating website and find another guy that will help me if it doesn't work out with him." Yes I know ouch!
The second half of the text consisted of the time we met in person until now (last three months). Here she said things like "he's so cute, he's a great guy, I'm so in love with him, I don't want to be with any other guy but him, I don't want to leave him, I want to stay with him in America, he's my soul mate etc."
So during the last day together I confessed about going through her phone and confronted her about all the stuff I read. I was actually surprised that we both were able to discuss everything pretty amicably and at the end of a 4 hour discussion it was time for her to go to the airport and head back to Russia. She wants to continue this relationship while I am still deciding on what I want to do (hence why I'm here). She fully understands that I am hurt and confused about some of the things I found out about her and has since has been doing everything in her power to make me feel at ease. She's confessed to everything and apologized for not being honest in the beginning, she's showed me all of her social media accounts, she's texted all of the other guys she was talking to to let them know that she's in a relationship, she's even updated her status on her ******** for everyone to see. Most importantly however she's offered to cancel the K1 process and says she doesn't want the papers to further complicate this relationship and that she just wants to be with me.
So here lies the dilemma, I seriously don't know what to do. I know she truly loves me not because of what I read but I see it in her eyes and feel it when we're together but I'm hurt by the fact that she lied so much (trust is now an issue) and said some not so nice things about me in the beginning of the relationship. But more importantly I think about had she NOT fall in love with me I wouldn't have known otherwise because she still would've " **** d it" (keep telling me all the things I wanted to hear) for the sake of papers and would've came to America with the sole intention of looking for another guy. It just so happens that she actually did fall in love with me but I'm haunted by the "what if." So I am now in a position of questioning her character i.e. who she is as a person and is this person my fiance', future wife and future mother of my children?!
I've tried my best to communicate my feelings to her but she just doesn't understand. Heck, I don't understand it myself. I didn't know where else to go but here because I've read so many threads of people in similar if not worse and or more complicated situations with their foreign fiance's.
PLEASE HELP!
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