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  • H1B looking for divorce in the US

    Hi All hope you can help me with some suggestions, below is my case
    I am a H1B visa holder I got married in India almost 4 years ago and we have a 3 year old girl (born in India) now staying with my wife for a month and half, my wife and I always had differences and managed the last 4 years but for the past few months things got worst and my wife was asked by police to stay with her cousin with her cousin sister after which I moved to another state in the US. The girl is very arrogant, rude and ungrateful and she never liked me or my family and always goes after her relatives, brothers, sisters and mother. I was even okay with all that for sometime thinking that she would understand as time passes by and she became terrible and started abusing me physically and used filthy language.

    They never treated me good and I have done so many things and took her and the child to US then they stayed for only 3 months and she left to India after things were out of control. I was asked by the mediators to try again resolve the differences and bring her back here and I went to India and brought them here on H4 and this time she stayed with me for 5 months and caused me so much pain in terms of flight tickets, expenses, visa fees, jewellry and more over mental stress. She never understands us and the situations she is very selfish and wants to be around her relatives.

    I am really tired of this and unable to tolerate her attitude I am a very hard working person who came as far as here with nothing. She and her relatives are reasonably richer than us and they are very big idiots and she always gets reckless keeping her background in mind, her relatives are very harsh and aggressive too. Back in India they have caused my parents a lot of distress and came to assault them twice.

    First they said we can settle this down in India in the presence of mediators and they now ask us to come together again I know for a fact if she comes back to me one of our lives will be in danger also as I said we have a child. I am not sure if I can go the route of applying divorce here in the US, I like you answer below few questions:

    We both have some pictures and police statements as evidences for arguments and minor confrontations. She never said she wanted divorce but with all that has been happening she may accept it now, but I really like to apply for divorce


    My mife is a housewife and didn't have any degree.

    1. How alimony and child support will be decided, the basis and factors. How much this would be, if anyone can give me in their cases as examples
    2. I am not paid for a few months now and on bench I am actually dealing this other matter with my employer to generate paystubs, would this have any impact on divorce
    3. The child is very close to her mother as she took care of her from the beginning, my wife always stayed at her mothers home
    4. If I apply for divorce here, can my wife or her relatives do anything in India to me or my parents
    5. What would be total cost from hiring a divorce attorney to get the divorce, in the states of chicago or michigan
    6. How long the whole process takes and would this have any effect if I want to apply for full time IT job
    7. I moved to Chicago 6 weeks ago and do I need a residence address for filing divorce? My wife is in Michigan. How this affects the process


    I may ask more questions as I get

    Thanks in advance for the help

    Regards,
    Krr
    Last edited by krishna2016; 08-04-2016, 08:32 PM.

  • #2
    Krishna,

    Because there are children involved and "proof of service" must be obtained in India, the timeframe and costs will be impacted. The clock won't start ticking towards completion until your papers are served to your wife, with "proof of service," and the divorce paperwork is submitted to the court. If using an attorney, almost a necessity when children are involved, attorney fees alone will be $3,000 to about $10,000. The child support and alimony order by the court will depend on your income and on the guidelines in your state of legal residence. Collection of alimony and child support may be hard to enforce unless there is a wage garnishment from your earnings.

    --Ray B

    Originally posted by krishna2016 View Post
    Hi All hope you can help me with some suggestions, below is my case
    I am a H1B visa holder I got married in India almost 4 years ago and we have a 3 year old girl (born in India) now staying with my wife, my wife and I always had differences and managed the last 4 years but for the past few months things got worst and my wife was asked by police to stay with her cousin with her cousin sister after which I moved to another state in the US. The girl is very arrogant, rude and ungrateful and she never liked me or my family and always goes after her relatives, brothers, sisters and mother. I was even okay with all that for sometime thinking that she would understand as time passes by and she became terrible and started abusing me physically and used filthy language.

    They never treated me good and I have done so many things and took her and the child to US then they stayed for only 3 months and she left to India after things were out of control. I was asked by the mediators to try again resolve the differences and bring her back here and I went to India and brought them here on H4 and this time she stayed with me for 5 months and caused me so much pain in terms of flight tickets, expenses, visa fees, jewellry and more over mental stress. She never understands us and the situations she is very selfish and wants to be around her relatives.

    I am really tired of this and unable to tolerate her attitude I am a very hard working person who came as far as here with nothing. She and her relatives are reasonably richer than us and they are very big idiots and she always gets reckless keeping her background in mind, her relatives are very harsh and aggressive too. Back in India they have caused my parents a lot of distress and came to assault them twice.

    First they said we can settle this down in India in the presence of mediators and they now ask us to come together again I know for a fact if she comes back to me one of our lives will be in danger also as I said we have a child. I am not sure if I can go the route of applying divorce here in the US, I like you answer below few questions:

    We both have some pictures and police statements as evidences for arguments and minor confrontations.


    My mife is a housewife and didn't have any degree.

    1. How alimony and child support will be decided, the basis and factors. How much this would be, if anyone can give me in their cases as examples
    2. I am not paid for a few months now and on bench I am actually dealing this other matter with my employer to generate paystubs, would this have any impact on divorce
    3. The child is very close to her mother as she took care of her from the beginning, my wife always stayed at her mothers home
    4. If I apply for divorce here, can my wife or her relatives do anything in India to me or my parents
    5. What would be total cost from hiring a divorce attorney to get the divorce, in the states of chicago or michigan
    6. How long the whole process takes and would this have any effect if I want to apply for full time IT job

    I may ask more questions as I get

    Thanks in advance for the help

    Regards,
    Krr
    Last edited by rayb; 08-04-2016, 08:46 PM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by rayb View Post
      Krishna,

      Because there are children involved and "proof of service" must be obtained in India, the timeframe and costs will be impacted. The clock won't start ticking towards completion until your papers are served to your wife, with "proof of service," and the divorce paperwork is submitted to the court. If using an attorney, almost a necessity when children are involved, attorney fees alone will be $3,000 to about $10,000. The child support and alimony order by the court will depend on your income and on the guidelines in your state of legal residence. Collection of alimony and child support may be hard to enforce unless there is a wage garnishment from your earnings.

      --Ray B
      Thanks for the response Ray,
      Could you clarify what obtain 'proof of service' in India means
      Is there a way I can do this myself without attorney and what are the pros and cons
      I make 80k/year, how much you think the alimony and child support will be and how these will be decided. If you can share approx numbers I would appreciate it

      Thanks in advance

      Comment


      • #4
        "Proof of Service" means a sworn statement that the spouse has received the divorce documents, and has signed them (unless "published" in lieu of direct service).

        Delivery by the petitioner may not be acceptable to the local court processing the divorce. An attorney is not usually the person who serves the documents.

        The alimony and child support guidelines are affected by too many variables for me to estimate what you will be ordered to pay: guidelines for your state, income of both parties, length of marriage, are standard guidelines used in determining alimony and child support.

        -Ray B

        Originally posted by krishna2016 View Post
        Thanks for the response Ray,
        Could you clarify what obtain 'proof of service' in India means
        Is there a way I can do this myself without attorney and what are the pros and cons
        I make 80k/year, how much you think the alimony and child support will be and how these will be decided. If you can share approx numbers I would appreciate it

        Thanks in advance

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by rayb View Post
          "Proof of Service" means a sworn statement that the spouse has received the divorce documents, and has signed them (unless "published" in lieu of direct service).

          Delivery by the petitioner may not be acceptable to the local court processing the divorce. An attorney is not usually the person who serves the documents.

          The alimony and child support guidelines are affected by too many variables for me to estimate what you will be ordered to pay: guidelines for your state, income of both parties, length of marriage, are standard guidelines used in determining alimony and child support.

          -Ray B
          Thanks so much Ray for all the information,
          We had actually complained about each other to police and when sheriff came to our apt. we both gave our statements and after a few weeks now when I called this morning I realized that the case is sent to district court and they are about to enter in the system and in a few days I may have to call them and attend in person in court, when I checked they mentioned the charges are only against me of domestic violence. When I explained that I was also a victim of my wife's violence, torture and rude behavior the officer mentioned that I can explain them to the judge.

          Now I would like to know why it goes like this, when sheriff came to the apt. I clearly mentioned that it starts with small things and because of my wife's anger and rude behavior she starts scream and shout very loud and I always say it will be public nuisance and we are causing lot of inconvenience to the neighbors and she never cared about it and she shouted even louder and when I tried stopping her she even bit me a couple times and slapped me I have the evidences too.
          My doubt is how the police can come to this conclusion when the officer present there heard all my grievances and he even suggested that we should live separately for sometime and even think about divorces (if we can't work it out)

          I would ask you a few questions, please clarify

          1. How do I deal with the situation and come out of this mess
          2. I would like to stay here in this country for my career and living, what is the best thing to do
          3. Can I file a case against her or its too late? Can I start file for divorce. My wife is still here in the US with her cousin


          I been quiet all along thinking about the family, child and career but my wife and her relatives are spoiling the whole thing which can ruin my career

          Please provide your suggestions

          Thanks in advance,

          Comment


          • #6
            Marital problems and immigration procedures don't mix well together.

            The best advice I can offer is to avoid further complications with police and police reports and hope that the criminal records check done by USCIS on your name doesn't result in complicating your immigration processing.

            --Ray B

            Originally posted by krishna2016 View Post
            Thanks so much Ray for all the information,
            We had actually complained about each other to police and when sheriff came to our apt. we both gave our statements and after a few weeks now when I called this morning I realized that the case is sent to district court and they are about to enter in the system and in a few days I may have to call them and attend in person in court, when I checked they mentioned the charges are only against me of domestic violence. When I explained that I was also a victim of my wife's violence, torture and rude behavior the officer mentioned that I can explain them to the judge.

            Now I would like to know why it goes like this, when sheriff came to the apt. I clearly mentioned that it starts with small things and because of my wife's anger and rude behavior she starts scream and shout very loud and I always say it will be public nuisance and we are causing lot of inconvenience to the neighbors and she never cared about it and she shouted even louder and when I tried stopping her she even bit me a couple times and slapped me I have the evidences too.
            My doubt is how the police can come to this conclusion when the officer present there heard all my grievances and he even suggested that we should live separately for sometime and even think about divorces (if we can't work it out)

            I would ask you a few questions, please clarify

            1. How do I deal with the situation and come out of this mess
            2. I would like to stay here in this country for my career and living, what is the best thing to do
            3. Can I file a case against her or its too late? Can I start file for divorce. My wife is still here in the US with her cousin


            I been quiet all along thinking about the family, child and career but my wife and her relatives are spoiling the whole thing which can ruin my career

            Please provide your suggestions

            Thanks in advance,

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by rayb View Post
              Marital problems and immigration procedures don't mix well together.

              The best advice I can offer is to avoid further complications with police and police reports and hope that the criminal records check done by USCIS on your name doesn't result in complicating your immigration processing.

              --Ray B
              Sure Ray, but I would like to know how I can avoid the complications. Is it okay if I go to India and settle this down and come back, how do you think this works?
              My visa expires in October (couple months from now) and I have to apply for renewal.
              All bad things happening at one time, I want to deal with them and get over, please advise
              You think meeting with an attorney should help me now

              Thanks

              Comment


              • #8
                Sorry for bumping this old thread brother, but I really want to help. I know that will be a very unpopular answer and the other answers talk about working it out or giving in, that is all psycho-babble BS. You do have two choices, you can give up or give in. Inevitably the person that gives in will feel like they got the short end of that deal and resent the relationship. That resentment grows over time and is toxic to the relationship.

                I can’t tell you what is right for your relationship but I can tell you the best thing I ever did was listen to these two: Save My Marriage Today

                I personally know a case where moving out so each of the partners had their own place again solved everything. And I mean everything. It took nearly a year of but after that everything was fine again between these two, even great then. This happened six years ago so I think I can say that marriage was salvaged. Without any counseling or forced understand your partner-stuff.

                But, as said, these two little humans just couldnt stand someone else invading their home. They where still deeply in love with each other, respected and accepted each other. After both had their own place they gravitated towards each other again but both had the brains and the mutual respect to rule out that they would move in and live together ever again.

                Comment

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