My German GF's J-1 interview is coming up soon - how do we handle the relationship?

[jvette]

Hi All,

I've been in a long-distance relationship with my German girlfriend since November 2018. About 6 months ago we decided that we needed to have plans to "close the gap" in order to keep the relationship going and landed on her moving to San Francisco to live with me. After a significant amount of research, we landed on the J-1 visa (Trainee Program) as the best way to get her here without having to unnecessarily rush tying the knot and getting married. See below for a quick summary of our situation:

• We met in November 2018 and have been going back and forth visiting each other ever since. My GF has been to the US three times (March 2019 to SF, July 2019 to Miami, and most recently in December for the holidays. She's entered on the Visa Waiver Program each time and has had no issues with CBP thus far.
• She had two interviews while here for the holidays and just accepted an offer for a J-1 Trainee position at a German/American school here in the Bay Area. My GF has her BA in Business Administration (emphasizing in NPOs) and will be working as a Marketing trainee at the school for 15 months — April 2020 through August 2021.
• The school has hosted J-1s before so they have a sponsor we're going through that they've worked with in the past. My GF has submitted her application with the sponsor and the school's just wrapping up her training plan. Once that's done, we'll receive the official approval at which point they'll mail my GF the DS-2019 and her SEVIS ID that she needs to schedule her visa interview at the consulate in Frankfurt.

With that said, we've both read up on the general tips and advice on how to best handle the visa interview. It seems that the main criteria in order to get the visa (assuming all your ducks are in a row with regards to the host company and your trainee position) is demonstrating sufficient ties to your home country. My GF plans to communicate the following if needed:

• She has a flat she's been renting (from her parents) for the last two years and will be subleasing it for the year that she's gone. All of her belongings and furniture will stay there — I.e. she's not about to leave all that behind!
• Both of her parents live in Stuttgart and she also has a brother closeby in a neighboring city.

My concern is what happens if the fact that she has an American boyfriend surfaces during the interview? I've read interview recaps where the CBP officer never even bothered to ask where they're going to be living, but for the sake of being prepared, I'm assuming that it's going to come up. While having a significant other isn't grounds for denial by itself, I'm concerned that it could potentially be an issue. The CBP officer could consider her at risk for overstaying the visa if he/she thinks we secretly plan to get married while she's here for the Trainee Program.

Does anyone have any general advice to share with me here? I know there's nothing we can really do but tell the truth and hope that the CBP Officer doesn't take issue with her having an American boyfriend. My GF and I have both discussed how important it is to be honest with CBP and to NEVER lie under any circumstances.

If asked "Where will you be staying during the program?" she could easily say that she'll be living with a "friend" - but the risk of this going south doesn't seem worth it. They'll have her US immigration record there and will surely be able to see that she's been here three times over the last 12 months. I'm not sure how detailed of notes they take, but I know she's specifically mentioned coming to see her boyfriend during at least one of her entrance "chats" with CBP and would assume they took note of that.

I'm just nervous as all hell that this could go south because there's no guarantee that she'll get the visa. We've worked SO incredibly hard (I could write an entire guide on finding J-1 positions at this point) the last 15 months to get to this point and are *this* close to closing the gap. Please help calm my anxiety and fears!

TL;DR — my German girlfriend has secured a J-1 Trainee Program and will be having her visa interview at some point in the next few weeks. How do we handle the fact that she has an American boyfriend if it comes up during the interview? We've completely gone about this the right way and have followed all the "rules" and have zero intentions of trying to game the system. Seeking advice on how to handle the interview!