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  • Seeking Input As To What My Options Are

    Hey Immihelp, I'm trying to seek some input as to what I can do in my situation


    This is a time line for everything

    Sept '17 - Arrived in the US via a tourist visa from Canada.

    November '17 - I marry my partner, who is a US citizen. He says he will start working on my visa right away.

    November '17 - June '18 - Me knowing my tourist visa is coming to and, I ask my partner to push this forward. He says we don't have enough money, even though his income proves otherwise. As well, during this time, he starts using substances. Blames me for him using substances, blames me for his depression, and some other things.

    June '18 - My partner gets a personal loan of ~$25, 000. I ask him if we can use this for the visa/immigration fees. He says no, he is going to put it towards his business. He says, "He is doing this for us in the long run." He is still using substances. I talk to him about my disapproval of them, but he continues to do them.

    July '18 - My partner finally says we can start working on my visa. I book an appointment for a lawyer. We meet with them and get everything in line. I get all our documentation ready. We then find out my partner needs his income taxes for us to proceed. I then learn he hasn't filed his income taxes in the last few years. I ask the lawyer for a suggestion for an accountant, and they suggest one for us.

    July '18 - Dec '18 - My partner continues to use substances. I express my concerns. This pattern continues for a while. There's no real change in his behavior. I continue to ask him about the lawyer and the taxes. He keeps saying we don't have enough money. Yet his spending on various things says differently.

    Early '19 - My partner gets another loan of ~$75, 000. I ask him, again, if we can proceed with the lawyer, he says no. We will get to that later. He is using this money for "us" and puts it towards a project he wants to launch. The launch was a failure, and he is still continuing to work on it on this day. He is continuing to use different substances to drown his pain.

    I enroll in a post-bacc program for computer science.

    Mid '19 - My partner wants to invite a third into our relationship. I say sure, let's give it a try. Maybe it will make things better; maybe it won't. The partner still continues to use substances during this time. One night before we are heading out of town, he hits me upside the head because he is angry. He says I deserved it because I upset him. The third comes over that night, and he says, "You guys are going with me on this trip, or otherwise the relationship is done." We end up going on the trip. During this time, I continue to ask him to begin work on the visa, and he says he'll email the lawyers accountant. He never does.

    Mid '19 - Early '20 - These patterns continue. The third is living with us, and this time is bloody hell. My husband is moody, depressed, and easily agitated. I ask my partner multiple times that I learned I don't want to be in a three-way relationship, and I want him to end it. He says, "No. I love this guy. And want him in our lives."

    March '20 - I end up leaving for a couple of days. He asks me to come back, and he says he'll email the lawyer and accountant. He emails them once, but never replies to their response.

    June '20 - The third moves out during this time. I had enough of this entire situation. I ask my family for a personal loan so that I can pay off the accountant fees and lawyer fees. I got the loan and finished all the leg work for the lawyer and accountant. I tell my husband this, and he signs the final forms for my green card

    The forms I filed are the following:
    • Form I-130
    • Form I-131
    • Form I-485
    • Form I-765
    • Form I-864
    • Form I-944

    So that is my situation. I honestly feel a separation coming on our end. I have suggested marriage counseling, and he seems indifferent about it. I'm trying to get our marriage to work, but I'm doubtful. I have some hope, though.

    I'm trying to get options as to what the best thing to do is. Right now the options seem to be this:
    • Work on my marriage and see what happens. Hope for the best during my AoS
    • My spouse has said he is willing to separate from me but see my visa journey through until the end.
    • Apply for VAWA, but due to the turn around time, I won't be able to work or travel outside of the country. Plus, it won't be easy to prove this, because there are no police reports. I only can get reports from the third and my therapist.
    • See if I can possibly switch my tourist visa to a student visa, but I'm not sure if this is possible
    • Like the option above, see if I can find work in my field and have a company sponsor me.

    The problem with the last two options is that I have overstayed my tourist visa, and if I were to leave the country, I would have a ten-year re-entry ban.

    A bit of a final option, though I don't want to resort too. It is during this time, my feelings for the third have grown. He has seen what my partner is like. The third said he is willing to start a relationship with me and help me with my green card. But I don't want to do this. I don't want to depend on anyone for the sake of a green card.

    I guess another option is I go back to my home country and try and get the re-entry ban lifted.

    Does anyone have some insight as to what the best path to take is?

    As well, I kindly request no judging and shaming. I'm here for research. I don't need judgment on some of the choices I made. I realize these are my choices, and I'm dealing with the consequences.
    Last edited by LilTank; 06-30-2020, 12:17 AM. Reason: Clarification

  • #2
    Okay. Lots to unpack here, but before that, is there a particular reason why you haven’t sought legal counsel from your immigration lawyer yet?
    Canadian on F-1 married to USC (SSM)
    Field office: Manhattan/NYC

    09/21/2019: Delivered to Chicago
    09/25/2019: Fees charged
    09/30/2019: Case received
    10/04/2019: Biometrics appt received
    10/15/2019: Fingerprints taken
    10/16/2019: Fingerprint review complete
    11/14/2019: Ready to be scheduled

    Comment


    • #3
      I'm sorry for what you suffered through in the last few years. It sounds like your relationship has been a miserable experience almost from the start.

      You have to make the decision which is going to lead you to a happier life. From what you're telling us, I believe your marriage was finished when he suggested a third. But I'm also just a stranger on the internet so my assessment is limited. The USCIS will not look at a separated marriage favorably so I would only recommend you pursue the I-485 if you have confidence on saving your marriage.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by manhattanite View Post
        Okay. Lots to unpack here, but before that, is there a particular reason why you haven’t sought legal counsel from your immigration lawyer yet?
        Aye, there is a lot to unpack and that I cannot deny.

        I have talked with my current lawyer and they said it is best to wait for my receipt to show up, which didn't offer me any insight or hope

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by rayrom View Post
          I'm sorry for what you suffered through in the last few years. It sounds like your relationship has been a miserable experience almost from the start.

          You have to make the decision which is going to lead you to a happier life. From what you're telling us, I believe your marriage was finished when he suggested a third. But I'm also just a stranger on the internet so my assessment is limited. The USCIS will not look at a separated marriage favorably so I would only recommend you pursue the I-485 if you have confidence on saving your marriage.
          I agree the marriage ended he ended a third, or that was at least the beginning of the end. I tried to hold on for things to get better.

          Agreed about the separated marriage not looking favorable. Right now it seems to pursue the I-485 is the wisest thing to do.

          Comment


          • #6
            I’ll be honest, you’re pretty much at the mercy of your spouse at this point. You’ve filed your AOS package, but the petitioner has the right to withdraw at any point. He may also choose to not attend the interview. If you don’t want to depend on anyone to adjust, I think your best bet is to try VAWA. I’m not an expert, but I don’t see many options given your ~2 year overstay.
            Canadian on F-1 married to USC (SSM)
            Field office: Manhattan/NYC

            09/21/2019: Delivered to Chicago
            09/25/2019: Fees charged
            09/30/2019: Case received
            10/04/2019: Biometrics appt received
            10/15/2019: Fingerprints taken
            10/16/2019: Fingerprint review complete
            11/14/2019: Ready to be scheduled

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by manhattanite View Post
              I’ll be honest, you’re pretty much at the mercy of your spouse at this point. You’ve filed your AOS package, but the petitioner has the right to withdraw at any point. He may also choose to not attend the interview. If you don’t want to depend on anyone to adjust, I think your best bet is to try VAWA. I’m not an expert, but I don’t see many options given your ~2 year overstay.
              Thanks for the reply manhattanite.

              I agree that I'm at the mercy of my spouse, which is terrible in a way. And yes, there is the option he may not follow through with the interview and that is something I don't want to risk. Though I do have this feeling if this is the route we took, he would show up to the interview.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by LilTank View Post
                Hey Immihelp, I'm trying to seek some input as to what I can do in my situation


                This is a time line for everything

                Sept '17 - Arrived in the US via a tourist visa from Canada.

                November '17 - I marry my partner, who is a US citizen. He says he will start working on my visa right away.

                November '17 - June '18 - Me knowing my tourist visa is coming to and, I ask my partner to push this forward. He says we don't have enough money, even though his income proves otherwise. As well, during this time, he starts using substances. Blames me for him using substances, blames me for his depression, and some other things.

                June '18 - My partner gets a personal loan of ~$25, 000. I ask him if we can use this for the visa/immigration fees. He says no, he is going to put it towards his business. He says, "He is doing this for us in the long run." He is still using substances. I talk to him about my disapproval of them, but he continues to do them.

                July '18 - My partner finally says we can start working on my visa. I book an appointment for a lawyer. We meet with them and get everything in line. I get all our documentation ready. We then find out my partner needs his income taxes for us to proceed. I then learn he hasn't filed his income taxes in the last few years. I ask the lawyer for a suggestion for an accountant, and they suggest one for us.

                July '18 - Dec '18 - My partner continues to use substances. I express my concerns. This pattern continues for a while. There's no real change in his behavior. I continue to ask him about the lawyer and the taxes. He keeps saying we don't have enough money. Yet his spending on various things says differently.

                Early '19 - My partner gets another loan of ~$75, 000. I ask him, again, if we can proceed with the lawyer, he says no. We will get to that later. He is using this money for "us" and puts it towards a project he wants to launch. The launch was a failure, and he is still continuing to work on it on this day. He is continuing to use different substances to drown his pain.

                I enroll in a post-bacc program for computer science.

                Mid '19 - My partner wants to invite a third into our relationship. I say sure, let's give it a try. Maybe it will make things better; maybe it won't. The partner still continues to use substances during this time. One night before we are heading out of town, he hits me upside the head because he is angry. He says I deserved it because I upset him. The third comes over that night, and he says, "You guys are going with me on this trip, or otherwise the relationship is done." We end up going on the trip. During this time, I continue to ask him to begin work on the visa, and he says he'll email the lawyers accountant. He never does.

                Mid '19 - Early '20 - These patterns continue. The third is living with us, and this time is bloody hell. My husband is moody, depressed, and easily agitated. I ask my partner multiple times that I learned I don't want to be in a three-way relationship, and I want him to end it. He says, "No. I love this guy. And want him in our lives."

                March '20 - I end up leaving for a couple of days. He asks me to come back, and he says he'll email the lawyer and accountant. He emails them once, but never replies to their response.

                June '20 - The third moves out during this time. I had enough of this entire situation. I ask my family for a personal loan so that I can pay off the accountant fees and lawyer fees. I got the loan and finished all the leg work for the lawyer and accountant. I tell my husband this, and he signs the final forms for my green card

                The forms I filed are the following:
                • Form I-130
                • Form I-131
                • Form I-485
                • Form I-765
                • Form I-864
                • Form I-944

                So that is my situation. I honestly feel a separation coming on our end. I have suggested marriage counseling, and he seems indifferent about it. I'm trying to get our marriage to work, but I'm doubtful. I have some hope, though.

                I'm trying to get options as to what the best thing to do is. Right now the options seem to be this:
                • Work on my marriage and see what happens. Hope for the best during my AoS
                • My spouse has said he is willing to separate from me but see my visa journey through until the end.
                • Apply for VAWA, but due to the turn around time, I won't be able to work or travel outside of the country. Plus, it won't be easy to prove this, because there are no police reports. I only can get reports from the third and my therapist.
                • See if I can possibly switch my tourist visa to a student visa, but I'm not sure if this is possible
                • Like the option above, see if I can find work in my field and have a company sponsor me.

                The problem with the last two options is that I have overstayed my tourist visa, and if I were to leave the country, I would have a ten-year re-entry ban.

                A bit of a final option, though I don't want to resort too. It is during this time, my feelings for the third have grown. He has seen what my partner is like. The third said he is willing to start a relationship with me and help me with my green card. But I don't want to do this. I don't want to depend on anyone for the sake of a green card.

                I guess another option is I go back to my home country and try and get the re-entry ban lifted.

                Does anyone have some insight as to what the best path to take is?

                As well, I kindly request no judging and shaming. I'm here for research. I don't need judgment on some of the choices I made. I realize these are my choices, and I'm dealing with the consequences.
                I am so sorry that you had to go through this ordeal. This is certainly a very twisted turn of events, but it can still lead to an outcome. Hopefully your documents will be processed and at the very least you can get the initial green card. However, in the process please document all the types of abuses you have encountered: emotional, social, physical, neglect etc. Note his substance use and share with your lawyer. Hopefully in the end you will be able to use the evidence to file single based on spousal neglect. All the best.
                July 18, 2017: Priority Date-Submitted-I130, I131, I485, I864, I765 to Chicago Lockbox
                August 15, 2017: Biometrics -Field Office-Kendall, Florida
                October 5, 2017: EAD received
                June 21, 2018: EAD Renewal Request received by USCIS
                July 5, 2018: Interview Date I797C notice received
                July 31, 2018: Interview date-Kendall, Florida
                July 31, 2018: Interview success: Immediate, ON THE SPOT, I485 approval
                Aug. 1, 2018: I130 approved
                Aug 3, 2018: Card is mailed to me (1485)
                Aug 8, 2018: GC in hand

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Hotaru-Grace View Post

                  I am so sorry that you had to go through this ordeal. This is certainly a very twisted turn of events, but it can still lead to an outcome. Hopefully your documents will be processed and at the very least you can get the initial green card. However, in the process please document all the types of abuses you have encountered: emotional, social, physical, neglect etc. Note his substance use and share with your lawyer. Hopefully in the end you will be able to use the evidence to file single based on spousal neglect. All the best.
                  Thank you. From my understanding I should be able to get a ten year green card, without conditions, because we have been married for over two years. One of my fears is if I leave him soon after I get my green card, it may look bad on my end.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by LilTank View Post

                    Thank you. From my understanding I should be able to get a ten year green card, without conditions, because we have been married for over two years. One of my fears is if I leave him soon after I get my green card, it may look bad on my end.
                    Well I am glad you made that clarification. Certainly a 10 year card, providing the interview is successful is the better option for you and the one they definitely will give to you. In that case please follow these links to prepare for the interview. No matter what, no one deserves to stay in an abusive situation. You can leave the day you get the card in your hand ( I would watch the mailbox so often) or choose to wait until a decent month (s) or year has past, it is entirely up to you. Your spouse may also file after the effect that you used her/him to get your permanent resident card even after you left. Your resort should be to constantly record the varied abuses and neglect you have encountered in the union. Please read the following links with what we took to the interview and our experience as well as another link with others' experiences. All the best.

                    Our personal experience
                    https://www.immihelp.com/forum/adjus...a-pd-july-2017


                    Ours and others
                    https://www.immihelp.com/forum/adjus...iew-tips/page4
                    July 18, 2017: Priority Date-Submitted-I130, I131, I485, I864, I765 to Chicago Lockbox
                    August 15, 2017: Biometrics -Field Office-Kendall, Florida
                    October 5, 2017: EAD received
                    June 21, 2018: EAD Renewal Request received by USCIS
                    July 5, 2018: Interview Date I797C notice received
                    July 31, 2018: Interview date-Kendall, Florida
                    July 31, 2018: Interview success: Immediate, ON THE SPOT, I485 approval
                    Aug. 1, 2018: I130 approved
                    Aug 3, 2018: Card is mailed to me (1485)
                    Aug 8, 2018: GC in hand

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Hotaru-Grace View Post

                      Well I am glad you made that clarification. Certainly a 10 year card, providing the interview is successful is the better option for you and the one they definitely will give to you. In that case please follow these links to prepare for the interview. No matter what, no one deserves to stay in an abusive situation. You can leave the day you get the card in your hand ( I would watch the mailbox so often) or choose to wait until a decent month (s) or year has past, it is entirely up to you. Your spouse may also file after the effect that you used her/him to get your permanent resident card even after you left. Your resort should be to constantly record the varied abuses and neglect you have encountered in the union. Please read the following links with what we took to the interview and our experience as well as another link with others' experiences. All the best.

                      Our personal experience
                      https://www.immihelp.com/forum/adjus...a-pd-july-2017


                      Ours and others
                      https://www.immihelp.com/forum/adjus...iew-tips/page4
                      Thank you for the links. I'll be sure to check them out

                      Is there an unofficially "decent amount of month(s) has passed?

                      We are in talks of going to marriage counseling, too. This way I can show I'm willing to give it my all to show it made it work

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by LilTank View Post

                        Thank you for the links. I'll be sure to check them out

                        Is there an unofficially "decent amount of month(s) has passed?

                        We are in talks of going to marriage counseling, too. This way I can show I'm willing to give it my all to show it made it work
                        You are most welcome. Good things can come out of exhausting and challenging experiences. Good plan on attending marital counselling. Make sure the receipts and reports from counselling are in both your names. Also, make sure that the payments are coming from both your joint accounts etc. I believe all will be well. All the best.
                        July 18, 2017: Priority Date-Submitted-I130, I131, I485, I864, I765 to Chicago Lockbox
                        August 15, 2017: Biometrics -Field Office-Kendall, Florida
                        October 5, 2017: EAD received
                        June 21, 2018: EAD Renewal Request received by USCIS
                        July 5, 2018: Interview Date I797C notice received
                        July 31, 2018: Interview date-Kendall, Florida
                        July 31, 2018: Interview success: Immediate, ON THE SPOT, I485 approval
                        Aug. 1, 2018: I130 approved
                        Aug 3, 2018: Card is mailed to me (1485)
                        Aug 8, 2018: GC in hand

                        Comment

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