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H4 wife, H1 husband Divorce

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  • H4 wife, H1 husband Divorce


    I have registered for a site first time ever in my life! As young as I am I don’t believe much in ‘online’ resolving of issues. This could show how much I had needed immihelp’s help!

    I’m in an extremely critical flux and require URGENT guidance! Am a female, met him on the day of marriage kinda arranged marriage with an Indian(he was employed in US H1 at that time) in India, at his birth place, came to USA in H4, { I was so wrongly naive, even though highly educated. I trusted him. Didn’t know anything about this curse called H4 or even worse, the curse called my ‘partner’.) 10 years of marriage, 8 year old daughter born in USA with him later, he was always all kinds of abusive and never enabled me to learn driving or have a job, controls every bit of finance and all things, he has major anger issues, is absolutely dominating and controlling. For eg, a month of marriage, he went into his controlling, egoist, dominating and angry ways. All these years I hv been trying to ‘work things out’. His parents, dowry lovers, are the root cause of his wrong behavior and it being continued as they have always pampered him, when he even hit me, verbally abused me infront of them when once we were in India. Why hv I stayed, so far? First, for the ‘commitment’ I made on the day of our marriage, the concept in our culture to work the marriage, Then, just ‘trying my best’ and believing ... maybe there’s something ‘I’ am doing wrong and not able to figure out.....so maybe I hv to change and improve.... more n more n more ...... also my parents n support system was such that they kept on motivating me to try to figure out a way, build confidence, build a relationship etc etc etc .... all the works of that male dominated society where the female is just pushed into a marriage and then expected to bear n carry it all, come what may. I was ok changing n growing too, but to no avail. His demanding belittling disrespectful behavior towards me n my folks has just been the same. My people started being on my side when they came to know of his and his family’s abusiveness.

    My question is :- Married in India 10 years ago at his birth place, am in H4 visa, he’s H1, we hv a 8 yr old daughter born n raised in US; I want to divorce him for he is absolutely abusive to me, and now my daughter is having to hear him abuse me everywhere,( in a car that he closes the windows of and yells at the top of his voice. She’s having to see really wrong things in this little of her lifetime.), 1) Can I start a divorce in USA? 2) Can I get a divorce in USA? 3)What happens with the child?

    He says, ‘Go to India, start the proceeding and send me the documents. Once I get the documents, I will do what needs to be done. Meanwhile, daughter stays with him.’ Although I know these are blatant claims coz he has never even taken care of her a single day by himself and he has extreme anger n control issues with her too and I fear her normal development with him.

    I want to have the proceedings starting n ending in USA because I am more likely to get justice for my 10 years of life wasted here than if I go India, he will just leave me at lurch for everything. My daughter, my life, the case. I know him too well. He’s a shrewd male chauvinist manipulative abusive criminal.

    I signed up, so I can get some insight, as to how to address this problem so that it hurts me the least. Hurt it will, I know, for this is a wrong situation I got myself to caught into. But I just want a clean divorce and get on with my and my daughter’s life unlike his plans, of “making my whole life hell”, his exact words. It seems he is set out on a mission to mar my life.

    Please help ????????

  • #2
    Firstly, if you are in an abusive relationship. Get out. Sooner the better. If he has ever laid a hand on you. Report it to the cops, so you have record.

    Which state are you in? divorce laws are different per state. You can certainly initiate divorce. But you may require some funds. In your case , however there are two complications that you should be aware of.

    After the divorce you will have to return to india. To avoid this , you can apply for student or h1 for yourself.

    second, is custody. which is very complicated. Courts will not likely split custody internationally.

    you need legal counsel. But yes you can initiate and complete a divorce in US regardless of where you were married. If you cannot mutually agree on custody, the courts will decide. Which will be a LONG and bitter process.

    it is possible to get a temporary alimony or spousal support order BEfORE the divorce so you can live separately from your husband while this thing unfolds.

    hope you have the strength and courage to take this on. I understand the world you came from, but I urge you to not use that as a reason any more. Look to the future , and be stronger than you ever thought for your daughter and yourself. Assume that you will beed to support her and yourself going forward and do everything accordingly
    12/24/2019 - I130/I485//I765 Filed concurrently.
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    • #3
      I know from my own experience what it means to be in an abusive relationship, so I recommend that you contact a psychologist who will help you understand that this kind of relationship ends badly. I can't believe I had this relationship for so many years and I felt constantly oppressed. And I'm glad that my friends and a psychologist helped me figure it out. Because stress leads to serious diseases. Before starting a new relationship, I read various information about relationships and marriage. If you are interested, you can visit this blog https://marriage-professor.com/how-to-cope-with-divorce-when-you-still-love-him/, maybe you will find an article that is useful for you to read.
      Last edited by RefanPetersin6566; 09-19-2020, 12:47 PM.