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  • Married in India, want divorce in USA

    Hi,

    I am in hopeless situation. I am in USA on H1 visa and my is on h4 visa and we have 5 months old kid. We got married in May 2013. Its been more than year and things have become worse for us. She says she loves me to core but at the same time abuses me a lot, threatens me to call police (when angry), have fought with every one in the family (even my cousins). She just want to live life on her own terms and thinks she is super intelligent and super beautiful and knows everything but she actually doesnt know that much. So much self obsessed that she doesnt want to listen anyone. Even her own parents, try to pacify her but she doesnt care. My wife is constantly nagging all the time and dont even let me work at office. But she has her own justifications that she want to tell or share whatever she wants to and whatever time she decides. She just wants that I should be doing everything on her terms and even cut down with my family (parents, siblings, friends, etc) to the lowest. Things went that far that she even stated threatening to commit suicide, similar and when she is calmed down, thne she says she loves me a lot and is very alone from inside. Few days back, it was too much that my parents here and dad had to be admitted in the hospital and she wasnt even bothered and was just cribbing why I left her alone at home and not taking her out.She didnt even make any food or so but kept on nagging for full 3 days and then when I came home, she was didnt let me go back to hospital and started calling neighbors to help her and told me that she would accuse me of rape. I was so terrified that I went to police station and filed the non criminal incident. Domestic violence advocate called her and I am not sure but they are taking my wife's side. My wife has done law from India and is very good at twisting things. She told that advocate told her that if she files police complaint then they can arrest me and spoil my career and send me back to India. All in all, my wife doesnt want to leave me but wants to stay with me the way she wants. She doesnt want to do any work and if she does then she thinks she is the best and also sometimes tells me that she is not a servant...(like empty mind is devils mind). For her, her parents are first but for me my parents should be 2nd and she should be first. She has no family values, no friend circle (only 1-2 friends), nothing...

    Please suggest what can I do here and is there any way my status would be affected as of now in USA.

    (there are many more incidents/behaviours which i wont write here)
    Last edited by bhuvan1980; 07-23-2014, 04:38 PM.

  • #2
    Bhuvan,

    Start with marriage counselling.

    --Ray B

    Originally posted by bhuvan1980 View Post
    Hi,

    I am in hopeless situation. I am in USA on H1 visa and my is on h4 visa and we have 5 months old kid. We got married in May 2013. Its been more than year and things have become worse for us. She says she loves me to core but at the same time abuses me a lot, threatens me to call police (when angry), have fought with every one in the family (even my cousins). She just want to live life on her own terms and thinks she is super intelligent and super beautiful and knows everything but she actually doesnt know that much. So much self obsessed that she doesnt want to listen anyone. Even her own parents, try to pacify her but she doesnt care. My wife is constantly nagging all the time and dont even let me work at office. But she has her own justifications that she want to tell or share whatever she wants to and whatever time she decides. She just wants that I should be doing everything on her terms and even cut down with my family (parents, siblings, friends, etc) to the lowest. Things went that far that she even stated threatening to commit suicide, similar and when she is calmed down, thne she says she loves me a lot and is very alone from inside. Few days back, it was too much that my parents here and dad had to be admitted in the hospital and she wasnt even bothered and was just cribbing why I left her alone at home and not taking her out.She didnt even make any food or so but kept on nagging for full 3 days and then when I came home, she was didnt let me go back to hospital and started calling neighbors to help her and told me that she would accuse me of rape. I was so terrified that I went to police station and filed the non criminal incident. Domestic violence advocate called her and I am not sure but they are taking my wife's side. My wife has done law from India and is very good at twisting things. She told that advocate told her that if she files police complaint then they can arrest me and spoil my career and send me back to India. All in all, my wife doesnt want to leave me but wants to stay with me the way she wants. She doesnt want to do any work and if she does then she thinks she is the best and also sometimes tells me that she is not a servant...(like empty mind is devils mind). For her, her parents are first but for me my parents should be 2nd and she should be first. She has no family values, no friend circle (only 1-2 friends), nothing...

    Please suggest what can I do here and is there any way my status would be affected as of now in USA.

    (there are many more incidents/behaviours which i wont write here)

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks

      But would marriage counselling work as she is always nagging 24/7 and now have even started arguing more than what she used to do...everyday we have fights and I am not sure how to get away from this situation...she is usually calmed when I agree to what she says or whatever she complaints...She wants my stamp that she is always right...

      Comment


      • #4
        Divorce is the only option

        I sympathize with your situation. In fact I am in similar situation but little worse because i have 2 kids. I would consider taking an divorce in ur case, rather than putting up with her madness. Since u don't have kids this is a good time for u to rip off the bandaid. Once u have kids trust me u will be so screwed because now divorce will affect kids more than adults.

        My wife has similar problems, she is crazy enough to think she is the only one that matters, one day over possessive another day "I love u". Acting crazy in social settings etc.. After 10 years of marriage I am telling u further u delay worse she will become because she will be convinced that u not gonna do sh**t and her craziness will never stop. Well, it will but then it will come back with any significant arguments.

        Good luck and let me know if this helps.

        Comment


        • #5
          Not sure what to do

          Hi,

          I have one kid of 6 months..I know divorce would impact my kid but I cant even stand my wife for a single minute...She is just ready to fight and prove that she right all the time...She think my family is bad and cruel...Just want to come out of this situation...she would be going to india for couple of mnths but not sure if she would ever adjust...

          Comment


          • #6
            This is an old discussion topic but interested to know how things went for everyone. I am in a somewhat similar situation with my wife. We are also from India and she wants to go back. Agreed to leave son here. My concern is I want to ensure I have legal custody of son. She doesn't want divorce, just wants to leave and live in India and I pay for her tickets to come here and visit our son.

            Comment

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